Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone came in the potted fern
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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