a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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