Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
