new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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