I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
