No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
