When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
