Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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