Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
