I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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