just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
