So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
