My first STD was from a foam party
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
