every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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