Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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