just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
