In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
