why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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