I hate all girls vehemently.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
