So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
