My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
