so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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