I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
