lets start a swedish sibling band together
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
