when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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