im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
