i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
