Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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