Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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