Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
