just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
