We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
