I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
