Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
