If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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