Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
