I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
