im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
