U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
