Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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