Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
