Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
