We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Who died my cat blue again?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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