Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
