I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
