We're facebook friends in real life
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
