Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
