**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
