It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
