she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
