Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
