There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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